What Do You Really Value?

A Coaching Worksheet

Why Values Matter

We think we know what we value – but do we? Very often, we are not consistent, or we feel differently depending upon the situation, or we recognize that we fall short of living up to some of our values some of the time. Getting clear about what you value can help you understand what is going right, and what needs some attention in your life. In general, the areas where your actions are aligned with your values are areas where you feel the most authenticity and aliveness and flourishing. Areas where you “fall short” often leave you feeling defeated. The best place to begin is a values inventory to understand what is motivating you and why.

We fall short because we are complex. Sometimes parts of us are operating from different values than other parts of ourselves. You may have an old part who learned lessons that are rigid and is eager to keep you safe. Operating from the value of “safety” may cause that part of you to punch people in the nose (metaphorically) anytime you feel scared, even before you notice you feel scared. Or it may “people please.” That might be something your adult self does not endorse; yet you might not even have the opportunity to notice what is happening before that part of yourself has acted on its value. How would you experience this internally? Your experience may be of doing something “you had to do, but didn’t want” from a brittle sense of necessity. This may be your first sign that there are parts of yourself that hold opposing values. This is important to note.

Many of us are struggling with values we both endorse and do not endorse. Aligning your actions with the values that reflect your very best aspirational self are the goal of this exercise, while recognizing those values or desires that may drive you but do not actually reflect you at your most capable, whole and alive.

One way of looking at this is the difference between values that drive you and values that inspire you. Most of us are running on a mix of both, and we rarely stop to sort out which is which. Values may be habituated, but not authentically chosen. So, you may be a peacemaker, even though the value of getting along with others is at odds with your value of integrity. Where there are conflicts between the values we hold and show, and those we want to drive us to action, we often feel a lack of integrity and wholeness.

Being Tied, Pushed vs. Being Inspired

Values that drive you push you forward out of habit, inheritance, or obligation — you move, but you may not know why, and you may not even like where you’re headed. You haven’t chosen them for yourself. Values that inspire you pull you forward — you act because something in you sees something worth reaching for. The goal is to live from values that do both.

Acting from your real values, day after day, is what builds integrity. Acting against them, even in small ways, is costly — to our sense of self, wellbeing, and our capacity to do good work. Another way of looking at this is that you are deprived of your own energy when you act in a way that you end up feeling “at odds with yourself.”

Finally, values are not simply discovered or revealed but achieved over time through deliberate choice. You must strive for greater values alignment. As you do, you come to understand yourself better. And to do that, you first have to know what it is you actually value.

Part One: Where You Have Been

Before we look at values as ideals, we look at your life as it has already been lived. Your values show up most clearly in moments of cost, courage, and commitment. Let’s start here.

Exercise 1: The Peak Moment

Close your eyes. Breathe. Now think back to a moment when you felt most fully yourself — most alive, most clear, most at peace, most energized, most at home with who you are. It may be a professional moment or a personal one. It may be quiet or dramatic. Reflect on that moment, remembering the sites, sounds, and feelings as if you are there again.

Describe the moment (where were you, what was happening, who was there):

What made it feel significant?

What did you believe in, stand for, or protect in that moment?

Exercise 2: The Moment that Cost You

Now think of a time you paid a real price for something you believed in — a moment when holding your ground, telling the truth, or doing the right thing was not easy. What did you refuse to give up, even when it cost you?

Describe the situation briefly:

What did you choose, and what did it cost?

What does that choice tell you about what you truly value?

Exercise 3: The Regret Moment

Think of a time you acted against your own values — when you compromised something important, went along with something you didn’t believe in, or stayed quiet when you should have spoken. This is not about self-blame; it is about learning. Let yourself reflect on this moment of regret with deep self-compassion and understanding.

What happened?

What value did you violate or abandon?

What would acting from your values have looked like in that moment?

Part Two: Naming What Matters

Now we move from your lived experience to deliberate naming. Below is a reference list of values. These are starting points, not a final answer. Your task is to find the words that resonate — and then to go deeper.

Exercise 4: The Values Scan

Read through the list below. Circle or check any that feel important to you. Don’t overthink it — your first response is often most honest. Aim to highlight 7-10 values that resonate with you.

VALUES LIST

Accountability

Achievement

Adaptability

Adventure

Altruism

Ambition

Authenticity

Balance

Beauty

Being the best

Belonging

Career

Caring

Collaboration

Commitment

Community

Compassion

Competence

Confidence

Connection

Contentment

Contribution

Cooperation

Courage

Creativity

Curiosity

Dignity

Diversity

Environment

Efficiency

Equality

Ethics

Excellence

Fairness

Faith

Family

Financial stability

Forgiveness

Freedom

Friendship

Fun

Future generations

Generosity

Giving back

Grace

Gratitude

Growth

Harmony

Health

Home

Honesty

Hope

Humility

Humor

Inclusion

Independence

Initiative

Integrity

Intuition

Job security

Joy

Justice

Kindness

Knowledge

Leadership

Learning

Legacy

Leisure

Love

Loyalty

Making a difference

Nature

Openness

Optimism

Order

Parenting

Patience

Patriotism

Peace

Perseverance

Personal fulfillment

Power

Pride

Recognition

Reliability

Resourcefulness

Respect

Responsibility

Risk-taking

Safety

Security

Self-discipline

Self-expression

Self-respect

Serenity

Service

Simplicity

Spirituality

Sportsmanship

Stewardship

Success

Teamwork

Thrift

Time

Tradition

Travel

Trust

Truth

Understanding

Uniqueness

Usefulness

Vision

Vulnerability

Wealth

Well-being

Wholeheartedness

Wisdom

Add any that are missing for you — Other values:

Exercise 5: Narrow it Down

From your candidates above, choose your top 5. These are the values you most want to be known for — the ones you would be unwilling to abandon even at cost. Remember: values are not what you aspire to in your best moments. They are what you hold onto in your hardest ones.

My top 5 values (list them):

Give each a little explanation – a few more descriptive words to say what this word means to you. For example: Authenticity: coming from my unique gifts

For each one: where is this value most likely to show up?

For each one: Where is it most likely to fail?

For each one, an example: when did you last act from this value?

For each one, an example: when did you last fail to?

Which of these do you see as inherited (from family, culture, religion)? Which have you chosen? Where is there tension?

Which inspire you most right now?

Part Three: From Knowing to Living

Naming your values is only the beginning. Values have power only when you ensure they do. The work of values alignment is a practice — it is built through action, reflection, and the willingness to keep returning to these questions. Here is where that practice begins.

Exercise 6: The Alignment Audit

For each of your top values, consider your life as it is right now — your work, your relationships, your daily choices. Rate the degree of alignment on a scale of 1–5, where 1 = rarely living this value and 5 = consistently living this value.

My Value:

Alignment (1–5):

What is the area of my life where I am most likely to see the gap:

Exercise 7: The One Commitment

Look at the value where the gap is largest. Is this where your most important work is? Or is it more important for you to come into alignment in an area where you are closer to living your values? What is the most imporant value you already hold that your life is not yet fully reflecting.

The value where I most need to close the gap:

One specific action I will take this week that expresses this value:

What might get in the way, and how will I handle it?

How can I better hold myself accountable to this value?

A Final Word

Values alignment is not a destination. It is a practice — the ongoing work of becoming more fully who you are. The goal, as Aristotle understood it, is not perfection but habituation: acting from your chosen values so consistently that it becomes your natural disposition. Not something you have to remember to do, but simply who you are.

“How powerful could you be — in terms of your actual ability to make good things happen in the world — if your values drove and inspired you every single day, effortlessly? What if everything you did really expressed what matters most to you? That is the goal. Effortless dispositions toward actions aligned with your values.”

Return to this worksheet. Revisit your answers. Bring them to your coaching conversations. The work of knowing and living your values is among the most important work of a human life.

— Cindy Chance