Quieting the Crazy

Don't Let the Tools Take Over

We are all trying to make sense of what is happening.

Like fish unaware of the water, we live unaware of the opportunity right in front of us — to take responsibility for ourselves, to claim our freedom, to choose what we actually pay attention to. We have never had more opportunity. And yet, we find ourselves in a rapidly changing world engineered to capture and hold us in a daydream within someone else’s real dream that becomes, for us, what buddhists call “samsara,” a sort of sleepwalking through our lives. At work and at home, hectic doing keeps us from living our lives with sense, purpose, or understanding.

We can choose differently. We can learn to be in the moment. We can build the discipline we need to lead ourselves. We can pull our attention away from the sparkly objects— really more like mosquitos — dive-bombing nuisances trying to eat us alive. And they will consume us, bite by bite, if we let them. The question is whether we will choose this fever dream or our deepest selves. Because most of us, most of the time, are not deciding. We are being acted on, and we are reacting, and it hurts us.

This is not a small problem. It is the defining problem of this moment.

The Water We’re Swimming In

We do not need to be constantly reactive, constantly scrolling, constantly bracing for the next thing. We need to attend, fully, to be in this moment. And if now is a moment for action, then we must do what is actually our priority right now, in this moment — the only moment in which we can do anything at all. That is it. That is the whole game.

Instead, most of us are staring into our phones or laptops, feeling more isolated and more agitated, absorbing a steady stream of images, thoughts, and messages that alarm us and push us to act. We are adjusting, slowly and with suppressed sadness, to a life with less choice, less growth, less connection, and ironically, less efficient goal oriented work. The tools are taking over, and we are calling it change, and progress, and inevitable.

Let’s not blow the opportunity to experience this one precious life because we forgot we were in charge.

You Are in Charge of You

Yes, change is constant. The disruption is real. The pressure is real. And you cannot control the outside. But you can control the inside.

Elevate yourself by taking charge. Take responsibility for your thoughts, your feelings, your beliefs. Not as a productivity hack — but as an act of self-respect. Doing so will not only slow things down inside you, it will make the stress manageable, and, over time, it will make you an example for others, someone who is living well, someone you can trust, someone who can be trusted by others. In a distracted and fragmented world, the trust between human beings is the most valuable currency there is.

Here is how to begin.

Technology Is a Tool. You Are Not.

There is a critical difference between relying on technology and being dependent on it. Reliance means you reach for a tool when it serves you. Dependence means the tool is running the show.

Use the technology. Don’t let it use you.

This matters beyond our personal lives, too. Leadership — real leadership — is human, and it is based on one human trusting and being inspired by another human. In our zeal to be efficient, we have started imagining we can optimize ourselves and other people. We cannot. We should not try. You are a heart, a mind, and a spirit. You are nourished by meaning, values, and vision — not by a better productivity system.

The current conversation, whether about AI or neuroscience or performance psychology, tends to treat human beings as machines to be tuned. Working out gives you a dopamine hit that elevates your mood. Technically true. But that is not how any of us experiences it, and it is not how we move ourselves to live well. Speaking in human terms — about purpose, about connection, about love and meaning — brings us back to who we are.

Let’s not try to optimize people. Let’s understand them. People who will succeed in this new world will offer encouragement, vision, and compassion alongside goals and discipline. Human leadership means supporting the growth of every other person. And it begins with leading yourself.

How to Lead Yourself

Quieting the crazy is an act of self-respect and self-care. When you genuinely respect and care for yourself, you can extend that same respect and care to the people around you. This is not soft. In fact it is hard. It is the only solid ground, the foundation of everything. Put yourself first.

Build your life around what you love. Psychologists call these recovery experiences. I call it what matters most to you. The research is unambiguous: non-work activities, real life experiences, restore us. Exercise, hobbies, creative pursuits, time with the people who matter most, deep rest. Not scrolling. Not half-watching something. Actually being somewhere, doing something, in the real world. These are the experiences that restore your energy rather than merely burning through time, with the very same stress and agitation in your being.

Believe that you can grow. We all have our natures, our histories, our ingrained ways of being. This is true. And we can all change. This is true if we believe it. Carol Dweck at Stanford has spent decades studying what she calls a growth mindset — the belief that abilities can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. It is not just an attitude. It is the difference between people who adapt and people who don’t.

Be kind to yourself. Treating yourself with kindness during difficulty — rather than with harsh self-judgment — is not indulgence. On the contrary, self-compassion builds resilience by making it easier to recover from setbacks. Kristin Neff at the University of Texas has shown that people who recover most effectively from failure (a normal part of each of our lives) are those who are kind to themselves. They recognize that struggle is part of our shared human experience rather than evidence of personal deficiency. Self-compassion is a skill. Practice it.

Return to your values. Reconnect what you do to what matters most to you. We differ in which values we hold, but we are alike in needing them at the center of all we do. Your why, your reason, your purpose; these are all ways of describing your values. You may work to support your family, or to express your unique capabilities, or to make a difference in the world, or to honor your faith. Whatever gives you a sense of purpose and makes you more alive— honor it. Honoring your values will make you feel better, perform better, and become better. Not because it is a technique, but because it is what we are here for.

The deepest insight is simple: we are meaning-makers. The meaning of your life comes from your connection to your values. This helps you to find and connect to people worthy of your respect and trust. Your internal clarity is the foundation of everything good.

Technology: Use it Well

Here is more good news: used intentionally, technology can support all of this as never before.

Use it to protect your time and attention, not to fragment it. Calendar tools and focus apps can carve out space for reflection, recovery, and deep work. AI tools can reduce the need for you to turn your attention to low-value tasks, leaving more energy for the high-value human ones — the relationships, the judgment calls, the creative thinking that no system can produce.

Think of technology as a capable assistant who works best with clear direction from a focused boss. When you know your values and lead from them, you give that assistant a mission. When you don’t, the assistant sets the agenda — and that is how distraction, stress, and chaos become a way of life.

The people thriving right now, in every disrupted industry and every corner of life, are not the ones who surrendered to the tools. They are the ones who doubled down on what makes them irreplaceable as humans: trust, judgment, empathy, genuine connection. Technology amplifies those qualities when you are grounded. It undermines them when you are not.

As you center what matters most your wellbeing will grow. Not because you optimized it. Because you chose yourself.

Build a life that is good.

The tools are there to help you do exactly that. But only if you stay in charge.

I would love to hear how you are navigating these challenges; what helps you?

Cindy